Everything’s changed since I came to this conclusion. The transforming work God’s been doing in me has been tough in some respects, but not nearly as tough as it was on the other side.
Once I quit pursuing happiness and fulfillment and started pursuing the heart of God, my outlook and perspective shifted dramatically. And, oddly enough, I began feeling content and fulfilled, even though my circumstances hadn’t changed at all.
It wasn’t easy. In those first weeks it seemed I prayed a kazillion times a day, “Lord, be enough for me.” Every time I felt frustrated, hurt, ignored, attacked, disappointed, I prayed. And almost immediately my heart would still, my mind would center on the truth that He is enough, and His peace would replace my turmoil.
And He began doing things. Using my writing for His purpose, as I’d always said I wanted. Leading me into deeper relationships with people who, if they don’t always get me, at least respect and love and support me. He challenged me with my recent trip to Africa, and then removed the fears I would normally have had about our travel, the political conditions, and my own shortcomings.
Let me reiterate, nothing outward has really changed. It’s all been inner transformation. It doesn’t matter that one of the judges of the writing contest I entered last spring hated my novel. God is enough. It doesn’t matter that I don’t quite fit into women’s ministry the way I used to. God is enough. It doesn’t matter that I can’t see the specific direction God’s taking me in ministry. He is enough. It doesn’t matter that I find refreshment in solitude, and I had little of it in Zimbabwe. God is enough. It doesn’t matter that my job requires me to defer rather than take charge as I’m inclined to do. God is enough. It doesn’t matter that my kids are growing up and making their own choices without my input. God is enough. It doesn’t matter when an expected invitation—or praise—doesn’t come. God is enough. It doesn’t matter when I can tell I’ve under-impressed someone. God is enough.
I’m still learning what it means to really believe God is enough. But I know that He is.
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4 comments:
Caron,
Why do we wrestle with this question? I suppose the simplest answer is that while God is enough, we do not accept the notion that his fullness will complete us.
We prefer the truth that stikes with the force and fury of lightning; not the truth that settles peacefully over time. We prefer truth that feels like a dagger to the side; not the truth that weaves its way into our hearts through the subtle voices of friends, family, and yes, children.
My challenge is to accept my life as God has directed me. It's not what I wanted or expected. However, as a child of God, who constantly prays for His guidance and command, do I not have an obligation to accept my life for what He has given?
This is a wonderful discussion you have initiated. I look forward to your words and thoughts.
Michelle
Hello Caron-
I love that I came across your words today, because God being enough in my life is something that I am really struggling with lately, too. It is so easy for me to be angry at God for not giving me things that I think I cannot live without.
You workds were such an encouragement. I look forward to seeing you over Thanksgiving!
Sarah McKeever
Sarah,
I love your heart! It seems that a lot of us wrestle with these things--but often we don't talk about them. I think the only way to help each other is to struggle through it together. God IS so good and more than enough, but we get sidetracked by the desires of our own hearts. And often times those desires are good--but he is better. I'm glad you were encouraged; thanks for letting me know. I'll remember to pray for you in this regard.
See you soon, Lord willing!
:) Caron
Thank you for your thoughts Caron. God's words are timeless. When we align our thoughts with the Word of God, they turn into poetry. You truly know how to be an inspiration and I value your friendship.
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